Today we continue with our Capacity on the Field Series. There will be a new post every M, W, F this month, exploring what factors into your capacity on the field. You can find the previously published posts in this series here.
Who is living rent free in your head?
Have you seen this slang phrase kicked around social media lately? It’s often used in cases where we are fixated on another person who has gotten under our skin. This person is the recipient of our imaginary bathroom mirror conversations, and generally distracts us from more productive ruminations. We have allowed them to be destructive tenants in our mind and heart and they aren’t even paying rent!
When we have been offended, disappointed, frustrated, or deeply wounded by another person, they can become the unshakable thought that follows us through the day, undermining the joyful freedom we might otherwise find as we pour our lives out for the loving and worthy Savior of our souls. The common problem in these situations is that we do not know how to resolve this relational issue in the real world with the other person, so we are stuck with the injustice and unresolved problem playing on a loop in our minds.
Sometimes the painful situation squatting in our mind is not a relational conflict, but an organizational practice or leadership style that we know could be improved, or jealousy from afar as we watch an undeserving other receive praise and opportunity. Sometimes it’s a longstanding case we’ve made a thousand times against a parent or sibling for how they let us down.
Whatever injustice or individual we carry around within us, rent free, requires our time, attention, and emotional energy as its continuous source of fuel. There is a type of satisfaction we can feel, as we fight for justice and victory and demand repentance from this opponent in our mind. But, guess what, any such satisfaction is a lie.
When we carry around these wounds, offenses, and prosecutions, we allocate valuable, limited capacity God has given us for his glory, and devote it to personal indulgences. Even when driven by deep pains and moral wrongs, our bondage to internal mental battles is incompatible with the life of freedom and joy and peace bestowed by and based on Christ alone.
When we empower any trial in life to supersede the secure love, hope, and identity God has planted in us, we have lost our grip on the gospel. When we allow a squatter to take up residence, distract our thoughts, and discourage our hearts, we are devoting a portion of our head and heart to pain and frustration rather than to the Lord and the things He has commanded us to dwell upon (Philippians 4:8).
There is a common tendency to tell ourselves that these indignant ruminations are somehow productive, because it’s how we are “processing” the situation. I hear this frequently in counseling sessions, whether individuals are trying to resolve trauma from their past, overcome fears and anxieties, or mend a broken relationship. What is often lacking is a clear definition of what it means to productively process something.
Processing is not simply ruminating over the moral injustice and stirring up the outrage and pain and stressed emotions repeatedly. Rather, helpful processing is about making meaning of an event that fits into the broader narrative of our lives, which aligns with what we believe about God, ourselves, and others. That is rarely the nuanced tone of our pained ruminations.
Though our natural tendencies and responses to broken relationships, frustrating circumstances, and perceived injustices often cause more harm than good, these topics are likely to reside in our minds until we learn a better way. How DO you productively and practically manage thoughts and feelings amidst the reality of painful situations?
As is often the case, God’s Word gives us clear instructions on the WHAT, but we often need to help one another with techniques for the HOW. God invites and also commands us to cast all of our cares on Him, the one who perfectly cares for us (1 Pt. 5:7). We are meant to bring all of our burdens and concerns to Him, find rest for our souls in Him, and receive guidance from His gentle and humble heart (Mt. 11:29).
These passages show us what God desires we do with the painful and distracting situations that reduce our capacity to serve Him fully in joy and peace. Obedience, however, is rarely a matter of snapping our fingers, clicking our heels, and just doing it.
John Eldredge’s ministry released a wonderfully effective app as a practical guide to the practice of benevolent detachment, which he introduced in the second chapter of his 2020 book, Get Your Life Back. The One Minute Pause app (www.pauseapp.com) guides you to the foot of the cross, where you are able to slowly evict all the squatters living rent free and robbing your mind and heart of the peace God has promised.
This practice of benevolent detachment is enacted through the app with guided prayers, at the heart of which is a powerful and freeing statement: Jesus, I give everything and everyone to You. With calming meditations beginning at just 60 seconds and expanding to more thematic recordings up to 10 minutes, this is a truly effective way to enact God’s invitation to cast all our cares upon Him, to put Him back on the throne in our hearts and evict whoever or whatever has been taking up residence there.
Whether dealing with anxiety or anger, broken relationships, or broken systems, I have seen consistent and powerful benefits for individuals who commit themselves to taking a One Minute Pause every day and reorienting themselves back to the truth that they are loved and accepted children of God. If we are completely secure and defined by our Creator, cherished by Him for His glory forever, and if we lay our burdens down at His feet and receive His merciful kindness and comfort in return, then all our troubles can be understood and managed in the light of truth.
Though our capacity may be the same, because we are secure in God and able to process our reality with God, more of our focus and attention can go to that which God has called us.
Photo by Darius Bashar on Unsplash
Thanks, Janeen! You always have a great message to share and lend a guiding light to so many!