Shame is often triggered in our lives when we believe we aren’t meeting our own or other’s expectations. 

My interest in exploring shame in the lives of cross-cultural workers in 2022 was a result of living in a Muslim nation for 11 years. I realized I often felt shame for not living up to spoken or perceived expectations that I thought others had of me or that I had for myself. 

Expectations are challenging to manage in our passport countries and are likely exacerbated in cross-cultural work as we have expectations and cultural norms to navigate from a variety of groups such as our teams, sending organizations, sending churches, expat culture in host country, host culture, and family culture.

Additionally, in high-risk fields, such as the one I was in where everything from daily living to sharing the gospel to political instability produced a lot of hardships making it more challenging to meet basic expectations.

The topic of shame is not one I remember discussing within expat circles other than in the context of the culture being an honour-shame culture.

I wondered if there could be benefit for women to talk about shame, but also felt the risk of talking about shame in case I found out I was the only one hindered by it. However, my research revealed that I am not alone.

I learned that expectations could elicit shame triggers. The research revealed potential shame triggers for cross-cultural women which included some of the following:

—Support raising

—Singleness

—Trauma experiences

—Being molested or harassed

—Burnout

—Women’s roles in ministry

—Ministry expectations from team or sending organization

—Doubting or struggling in their faith

—Taking holidays or spending money on rest

Interestingly, Global Trellis’ recent survey about issues cross-cultural workers are dealing with revealed many of these same topics. Although the issues identified in Global Trellis’ research are complex and require attention from those who send, we can equip ourselves to navigate the potential shame triggers of these issues.

Often shame makes us feel like a failure or that we are defective. Our experiences of shame throughout our lives trains our minds and bodies to respond in repeated ways as new experiences occur. Some typical physical responses include blushing, looking away, and sweating. 

Generally, feeling shame can cause us to hide or escape, which can have a significant impact on our relationships and group involvement.

In addition to breakdown of relationships, shame can cause low self-esteem, suicidal thoughts, self-harm, depressive moods, addictive behaviours, and can cause us to believe we aren’t loved as much by God. So, it is important that we recognize when shame is occurring and respond with healthy coping strategies. 

This world is no stranger to shame. In fact, shame was the first emotion mentioned in the Bible. In Genesis 3 after Adam and Eve sinned, they realized they were naked and exposed, so they hid. As a result, their connection with God and each other was threatened. 

Yet, when Adam and Eve hid, God came to them. He moved towards Adam and Eve by calling out to them. In the same way God continues to move towards us as we experience shame. Ultimately, Jesus endured the cross and scorned it shame to take our shame and rescue us.

Shame results from how we evaluate ourselves or believe that others are evaluating us. However, the conclusion of my research showed that to effectively deal with shame, cross-cultural workers need to evaluate ourselves through the lens of Scripture and what God says about us.

In Looking Shame in the Eye: A Path to Understanding, Grace and Freedom, Simon Cozens explains that it is problematic when we look for validation from within ourselves or from a group because, “we are looking across to the world, and not up to our maker.”

Additionally, it is important when we are experiencing shame to reach out to God and others. 

Further, one of the most impactful findings of my research was that cross-cultural women were very willing to share their experiences with shame with other cross-cultural women. As women shared their experiences with shame, their openness prompted other women to share their similar experiences.

Shame triggers will inevitably be part of our lives in this line of work. However, awareness of our shame responses and the implementation of healthy strategies such as remembering who God created us to be and reaching out to Him and others, will help us to retrain our brains to respond in different ways when shame occurs.

As a culmination of my research, I created a tool to help people like you recognize shame in their lives and establish a personalized plan to respond to shame. If you would like to receive this tool, you get it as a part of Shame Resilience Week (November 11-15th) here at Global Trellis.

We asked Faith to share what she’s learned about shame and shame resilience on the field. Not wanting you to become overwhelmed, we decided to break down all that she’s learned into five 30-ish minute videos you can watch at your convenience, giving you time to digest the information. You’ll also have access to a Live Q & A with where Faith answers questions people submitted throughout the initial Shame Resilience Week.

So, what will Faith cover during Shame Resilience Week and what will you get?

Day 1: Shame: What is It? and Why is It Important?

Day 2: Forms + Triggers of Shame

Day 3: Benefits + Negative Aspects of Shame

Day 4: Tools for Shame Resilience

Day 5: Member Care: Ways to Support Cross-Cultural Workers

Live Q & A with Faith on November 20th at 7:00 a.m. MST (time converter here)

Book list of shame resources

Shame Awareness Tool (developed by Faith)

P.S. If you’re an Insider, Shame Resilience Week is included at no extra cost :).