Today we continue with our Capacity on the Field Series. There will be a new post every M, W, F this month, exploring what factors into your capacity on the field. You can find the previously published posts in this series here.

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Often as cross-cultural workers we find ourselves doing things in our respective countries that we never signed up to do, or that we don’t have training for or the skill set for— and yet, there’s no one else to do it. So here we are doing it! For a time this can be ok, but over a longer period of time we might wonder why we feel weary, bored, fatigued, or even burned out.

When you go to Global Trellis’ website you will find the mission statement: “We enlarge the capacity of great commission cross-cultural workers…you can have a tended soul and expanding skill set”. The phrase “enlarged capacity” might seem like Global Trellis’ purpose is to help cross-cultural workers do more. If you’re already exhausted, this might leave you frustrated or wondering “what’s wrong with me that I can’t…” What if an enlarged capacity is not about doing, but rather being—being who God created you to be? In order to fully live into your own potential, it means knowing who you are and who you are not. 

Global Trellis is not trying to develop global workers who are doing more just to do more—but rather inviting you to be fully who you are (not more, not less). When we don’t know who we are, we can get caught up in trying to do a lot of things we are not created or equipped to do. Over time this will deplete us, and while it might appear we are doing “a whole lot” in the short-term, it comes with a cost in the long-term. Eventually we might discover that it is unsustainable, and we cannot continue this fragmenting way of doing without great cost to our well-being (mind, body, heart and spirit). Learning who you are, and who you are not (knowing your limitations) can open you to live from a centered place—letting your doing come out of your being (and not the other way around).

I am a visual person—pictures help me better understand an idea. As I sat with what an enlarged capacity that is focused on being over doing looks like, I imagined a circle. A circle has a center and is always a circle as long as its sides are all equidistant from the center point.

Think of a ripple in the pond—the circle expands as it moves outward from the center. It doesn’t change into a different shape—its borders are still clearly a circle. Yet as it remains a circle—whole and complete—it can be fluid. At times the circle might expand, at times it may become smaller. But it is always a circle. When I think of our own capacity, I think we can learn something from the image of a circle whose borders always remain intact but can expand and contract (almost like lungs breathing). What is important for the circle is that it always maintains a center point.

Contrast this to an undefined shape that lacks a center point. It has no defined shape and looks like it’s trying to morph into different shapes and yet still has the same volume internally. Its shape is undefined and it’s unclear what it is. It might even look like fragments— bits and pieces randomly scattered here and there. The shape has no sense of what it is or even what it is trying to be. Without a center it gets lost in what it is (and what it isn’t).

As I reflect on each of these images (a circle and the “blob”), the circle seems like an invitation towards wholeness—the idea of knowing who we are and who we aren’t. Whereas when we aren’t sure of who we are, we can tend to live in a place of reactivity—getting caught up in trying to respond to all the demands and needs of others (real or perceived) and look more like the shapeshifting blob. At the end of the day, we feel the lack of a center, and the lack of knowing our limitations (the border of the circle). We throw our blob onto the sofa in front of the TV as a way of numbing the gnawing weariness and resentment…only to start it all over again tomorrow.

In an effort to unpack what Global Trellis’ mission statement wants to communicate to you, our readers, I saw the invitation of knowing what your own capacity is—which begins with knowing who you are (your “true self”—who God created you to be), and who you are not (your “false self”—all the things you were not created to be). This is not necessarily easy to name or know—and invites us on a lifelong journey of knowing God and knowing yourself.

The journey to knowing who you are might begin with responding to Jesus’ invitation “Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest…” (Matthew 11:28, NIV). This invitation likely sounds familiar, but I wonder if you have ever dared to believe it’s for you?! Rest can seem like the farthest thing from moving us towards an enlarged capacity. When we feel the pressure to perform, produce, and do—it can seem very counterintuitive to allow ourselves to rest. 

However, what is counterintuitive actually holds something valuable in what can ultimately help us live into our full capacity—into being fully who we have been created to be (not more, not less). When we are out of touch with our center—the knowing of who God has created us to be—we can become reactive in what we give ourselves to. Have you found yourself feeling conflicted when asked to do something but then felt guilty to say no? Have you struggled to know when to say yes and when to say no? How do you discern what is yours and not yours? What helps you know if this is God’s invitation or just another “good” thing being asked of you?

The Message translation beautifully expresses the invitation to rest and what it offers us in Matthew 11:28-30: 

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

I invite you to reread this passage, pausing to notice what it stirs in you. Then you might find it helpful to reflect on the following questions.

—How would your life be different if your doing was shaped by rest?

—Is there anything keeping you from receiving this invitation (thoughts, emotions, beliefs)?

—What would you need to help you receive the invitation?

—Where do you notice your own longing in the journey of getting to know who you are?

—What would it be like to live “freely and lightly”?

—How does this shape your understanding of Global Trellis’ vision statement of having an “enlarged capacity”?

Let this be an ongoing conversation between you and God! You might find it helpful to talk with a spiritual director/companion, spouse, or other trusted friend about what defines who you are and what you do. Remember that you don’t have to figure it all out alone! May God’s grace and love be with you on the lifelong journey of knowing who you are (and equally important, who you are not!)

Photo by Patrick McManaman on Unsplash