Today we continue with our Capacity on the Field Series. There will be a new post every M, W, F this month, exploring what factors into your capacity on the field. You can find the previously published posts in this series here.
Capacity is the space that can be filled. Think of a cup that is over full or has just a bit of liquid in it and has space to be filled up. Depending on what we are talking about, the capacity is designed to be different. With a swimming pool the need is a lot of capacity as opposed to a wonderful cup of espresso there is limited capacity, but the quality of what’s inside is what is critical.
When I think of capacity for people, I have begun to deeply appreciate this term. As a very young person I didn’t really think about this concept, instead I assumed that there was no capacity. Limits were not necessarily present, and the cup would be big enough for whatever comes. Isn’t energy, health, and relational capacity limitless? Now that I am a bit older and have experienced more difficulties in my life, I have come to appreciate that question or observation about capacity. I was working with a counselor, and she asked me this question over and over again. Do you have capacity for this, do you have capacity for that? This question seemed like a foreign consideration at that moment. Why did she keep asking me this?
As the grief specialist at GT, I look at capacity as a necessity to consider. When loss takes place, capacity is lessened, sometimes it takes a hit, and other times your capacity becomes almost nothing. In truth it is not that that the size of your holding space has necessarily lessened, but that the organization of yourself has changed, as well as much has been added to fill one’s holding tank.
When we grieve, it can feel like our life anchors are knocked loose. Part of us or our whole life requires reorientation, restructuring, and movement toward acceptance of our current circumstances. Remember the work of grief is to move into acceptance of what our life actually is.
When extreme challenges come in the form of grief or suffering, we have the terrible privilege of being stretched. We are referred to as clay vessels in scripture. When you have a clay pot it can be smashed, or it can be reformed to be almost any shape. Capacity can change. When we are forced to reorient, we have to do hard work. We have to endure; we have to withstand and search for our true anchors.
As losses happen, we have no choice but to go through the pain of the cords being cut. Each loss I have undergone has reoriented me to a forging process with God, in the end I have found His kindness and goodness.
Sometimes people ask me, “How can this be? Why do you still believe God when he has allowed such heartache your life?” Every exposure/grief/suffering opens an opportunity to be vulnerable and brings a reminder of my human frailty. This opportunity has allowed God to show His kind compassion to me. Through His repetitive care, my capacity has grown and as I have been able to depend more on Him, it gives way for me to rest and be a vessel with room for the things I think God wants me to have capacity for.
Since my parents’ deaths, I have used the below scripture for a reference point for my capacity and how things are going with my growth and also an indicator for when capacity is taxed.
“But the fruit produced by the Holy Spirit within you is divine love in all its varied expressions:
Joy that overflows
Peace that subdues,
Patience that endures,
Kindness in action,
A life full of virtue,
Faith that prevails,
Gentleness of heart, and
Strength of spirit.
Never set the law above these qualities, for they are meant to be limitless.” Gal 5:11-23 (TPT)
The fruits are a bit of a barometer for me. Currently, I am asking if I am being full of God’s presence who offers peace that subdues. Part of this for me is admitting my limited capacity. It seems the more I recognize my limits, the more my capacity increases. The more I fall in line with my humanness, the more I can allow God’s spirit to fill me up and increase my human capacity.
I must say that grief is a humbling agent. One can harden or melt to be reformed in its presence.
Many of us are from cultures that value doing; it seems too many of us push our capacity to do more, even to the point of burnout, before receiving the good news that it is okay to have limited capacity. And paradoxically, that limited capacity actually helps us in the end to have more capacity. The Bible talks about rest and retreat over and over again. The sabbath is a topic of great importance. Our pastor and friend says, “Every yes to something is a no to something else.” I consider this with the FOMO (Fear of missing out) culture we live in. I wonder why we do not ask about the things we miss out on due to saying yes to so many things. Does this cost us peace, joy, ability to be patient, kind, faithful and gentle? I know the answer for me is a resounding yes!
Perhaps we would benefit from the questions of what kind of capacity I’m increasing?
Through grief and suffering of any kind I believe that our capacity can greatly increase. Learning to name our losses, growing in accepting our limited nature, increasing our dependence on God, and learning slower and more sustainable paces is of great value.
From the psychology world, you may have heard of the term Post Traumatic Growth (PTG). PTG is the term for positive psychosocial change that some individuals experience after a traumatic event or crisis period in their lives. I have seen this increase capacity for many people, including myself. The learning that takes place when under stress can produce positive outcomes.
We are familiar with this, as it is outlined in James 1:2-4 “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds. Because you know the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete not lacking anything.” Part of facing trials is the ability to lean into your losses and process your grief.
While the younger me thought that I would have unlimited capacity, I’ve learned this simply isn’t true even when called by God to a task. Instead of being unlimited, God meets me in the limits and uses them when I offer them to Him.
P.S. Here is an article for further reading on PTG for further reading.
Thank you for this; it is instructive in my current grief of pain and disappointment in our years of Church Planting.