This is part of a series of letters Elizabeth writes to a fictional pastor. Have you read Taking Down the Ministry Pedestal or watched What We Wish Senders Knew (Senders’ version or the Goers’ version)? You can also read the full survey results in the white paper Let’s Talk About It. You can find previous letters from Elizabeth to Pastor Jerry here.
Dear Pastor Jerry,
I had the most hilarious email from your care pastor, Pastor Jim, this morning. He had woken up yesterday from a frightening dream where he was driving my mother somewhere, and then somehow, she was in her own little blue VW, and ahead of him. She drove onto railroad tracks with trains coming in both directions and Pastor Jim was frantically trying to stop both trains! You can imagine the dream…and his frustration and fear.
But what hit me with force was that my mother died 25 years ago, and Pastor Jim still carries that deep commitment in his heart to make sure she is safe.
Here’s why this is important. We were on the other side of the world. I had no siblings to care for my mother. You and Pastor Jim, and your wives and others in the church, became the support group for my elderly mom after my father died.
Yes, you all loved her; she was your older mentor and your confidant. You and Pastor Jim brought prayer requests to her that you couldn’t talk about with anyone else at the church. She was safe, and she was ministry-experienced. But the whole church looked after her, gave her rides, accompanied her to the doctor at times, even brought meals. Your wife, I happen to know, sometimes showed up with a mop and bucket and cleaned her house. In return, she was the listening ear as your wife worked through some terrible abuse in her own past.
That last summer before she died, I was 8000 miles away. My children weren’t near either – two 600 miles west and one with us. I’d been there earlier in the summer, walked through a hospital stay with her, and been with her to settle back into the care facility where she spent her last six months, but you all, as a church, said, “You can go back to where God has put you. None of us know how long she will live, and we will be her family.” It was your church folk who visited her often, brought a pot of really strong black coffee to share with the coffee aficionado, and brought your children to play on her bed.
I still remember the email that came from Pastor Jimmy late one afternoon. “I was with mom until midnight and I gave her permission to let go and enter heaven. She slipped away a little while later, totally at peace. She knew you loved her, and knew you were where she and your dad had longed to serve.”
Here’s the rub. Aging parents are one of the big reasons global workers have to leave and go home. Either their siblings won’t do the care, or there aren’t siblings to do it. Some parents are demanding and feel it’s time THEY got their children back. Where does that fit with God’s command to Abraham, “Go to a land that I tell you…”
I’m not in any way insinuating that global workers do not owe their parents’ proper respect and care, but what if the church stepped up and helped more? Like you did. Like Pastor Jimmy did. Like the coffee bringing young moms did.
Could there be a working agreement, a partnership between global worker and the church to determine WHEN and IF the global worker is needed at home, and when the church family can handle the older parent care?
Maybe Pastor Jimmy’s dream was more important than he realized.
With blessing,
Elizabeth
If you have aging parents or are beginning to have aging parents, check out our Aging Parents Cohort. We open the doors once a year to a limited number of participants. Next cohort sign up will be in August of 2025. (Aging Parents Cohort is 50% off for Insiders.)
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