I had just crawled into bed when my phone dinged. As the director of member care, I kept my phone by my bed in case of emergencies.
Indeed, it was one of my colleagues who was visiting a team and had a question.
A non-emergency question. A question that did not need to be texted to me when I was IN BED. We both learned an important piece of information about each other: I am not a night person and he is. (He also learned that while I am always available for emergencies, I am not always in a good mood to answer questions that can wait until 8:00 a.m.)
Or picture this scene.
My organization’s headquarters was the apartment next to mine. Every time I went out or came home I walked past a window in our office—so my colleagues could see my comings and goings. Normally this was not a big deal. But working with member care, sometimes I would be up late at night helping with an emergency and on those days my work hours might not be during the day.
On more than one occasion I could hear a colleague say, “Knock louder, I know she’s home.” UGH! I was home, but I wasn’t answering my door.
I remember thinking that I had fairly good boundaries (and I really believe I did and do!) so God had me live next to our office to show me that my boundaries, while good, was still a growth area. Because if my boundaries didn’t need to keep improving would I have done this? On the rare occasion, I kid you not, I quietly opened my door, dropped to my knees and crawled under the window. I am not proud of this.
Let me ask you, is that what you picture to be a well-boundaried middle-aged leader? Crawling under windows on her literal knees?
But I know you get it. I can guess how you’d answer the following questions:
—Have you ever felt resentful?
—Or like others always come to you because they know they can “count on you?”
—Or wondered why people text you late at night (or early in the morning or during your quiet time)?!
Like me, even if you’ve got good boundaries, the answers is probably “yes” and if you need to grow in this area, the answer is a resounding “YES!”
Good news, this month’s workshop is for you. When you take the workshop, you will explore boundaries and benchmarks.
Topics covered include:
— Questions you might have about boundaries (i.e.What if someone is upset or hurt by my boundaries?)
—WHEN do I need to set boundaries & benchmarks?
—WHY do I need to set boundaries & benchmarks?
—WHERE are the B & B’s?
—With WHOM do I need B & B’s?
—Boundaries and culture
—Helping others with boundaries
So, instead of crawling under windows or letting resentment build, take the Counseling 103 for Lay People: Boundaries and Benchmarks workshop.
P.S. As I jokingly say, get the workshop today, start walking by windows tomorrow!